Manly Man Movies

So the other day, I'm walking out of the movie theater with a friend, having just seen the Dark Knight Rises. We're talking about our opinions of it and mine was essentially: "Great direction, great acting, great effects, but............ it's a guy movie."

I've used this phrase "guy movie" quite a lot recently because I've reached a point where I recognize what I'm looking for in a movie. In the case of a movie like Dark Knight, I can completely appreciate all the hard work and talent that went into making such a beast of a film. I can barely make a slideshow in iMovie; I get the blockbuster appeal. But I just don't love it. I don't feel the need to ever watch it again.

This is a sweeping generalization, of course. I don't mean to scoff at and disregard all guy movies. And though it may sound like I'm confirming gender stereotypes, I actually don't need bubble gum fairies and rainbow unicorns in a meadow of baby's breath to enjoy a film. I don't cover my ears during streams of foul language or shield my eyes when someone pulls a gun. And no, I don't own the Full House series collection (though, to be honest, I'd love to).

The quintessential "guy movie" I'm referring to usually has three or more of the following:

• incessant, unnecessary violence
• lots of blood, weapons, casualties, explosions and gunfire
• car chases just because
• ubiquitous drug use
• robots and superhuman villains
• curse words every other sentence

Again, I don't have iCarly and My Little Pony episodes saved in my DVR. A lot of my favorite movies do have at least one of the above. The difference is that I believe mine have substance. If it has a deeper layer or something legitimate to offer me as a viewer, I can make peace with some of the dumber aspects. If a movie has a dumb car chase but I laugh so hard I pee, I can probably deal. Maybe half the cast gets shot, but it keeps me on the edge of my seat guessing. Fine. I just need a film to have something more than sensationalistic, surface-level, 3-D blockbuster stuff. Some character development.... a believable love story .... a well-developed story arc.... anything!

Exhibit A:  Transformers

To be fair, never saw it. But I'd bet my life savings this movie's offering a healthy serving of weapons, giant robots, and lots of running. Presumably from said robots with weapons.

Exhibit B:  300                                        

Again. Never saw it. Don't need to. Manly men with muscly armor killing each other. I'll pass.

Exhibit C:  Fast and the Furious             

Boys and their cars. Ugh. I've given up in my attempts to understand the male obsession with anything motorized. I guess I'll just sit back and count the 11 dollars I saved from not seeing this one.

Exhibit D:  Pineapple Express           

From what I can tell, the theme centers on two guys trying to score pot, then smoking the pot, and then looking for more pot. Someone alert the Academy.

 

Exhibit E: Saving Private Ryan             

This is a war movie, I know, so of course there's violence. But I'm not ever going to see this movie. I'm not interested in a long slideshow of people dying. Sure hope someone saved that Ryan guy.