Off Balance

Okay, time to talk about something that's been bothering me.

I could talk for days about turn signals, but that's petty. So instead I'll focus on a legitimate issue that always finds its way back to the forefront of my mind: the imbalance of money and resources in the world. The middle class is shrinking, and the polarity of Richie Riches and Homeless Joes is growing larger and more distant. How can someone own six mansions in one part of the world and somewhere else, a person can't afford shoes or clean water? It's mind boggling to me.

The thing is... if Jim and Tim were both getting enough resources to live comfortably but Jim just had slightly more, that would be fine. You'd wish equality among everyone, but understand that variability is inevitable. But in today's world, the Jims of the world are getting excessive, inordinate, unjustified amounts of money. And the Tims are living in abject poverty or dying needlessly of malnutrition.

Here's my gross generalization of the day: People who work more tend to get paid less. I have to clarify that this is not the case in all careers or lifestyles, but it is a trend that's becoming glaringly apparent to me. Por ejemplo:

Jonathan Papelbon

I've become a huge Phillies fan over the last few years, and I've always been a fan of Philly sports in general. So when we first recruited Jonathan Papelbon as our new star closer, I was eager as ever to accept a new player to our team. Then I heard how much he's getting paid and - hard as I try - I can't get on board with this. The man got a FIFTY MILLION DOLLAR deal for four years as our CLOSER. Now you can riddle me with all the baseball psychology you want, but as far as I'm concerned, a good pitcher should be able to pitch any time he's needed. This whole concept is BS. Bringing a guy in to pitch every once in a while for ten minutes? Then letting him hang out in the dugout the rest of the time on a bench made of dollar bills as the ballgirl fetches him his solid gold jacket? Screw that. You play BASEBALL for a living. SOMETIMES. Only when it's the bottom of the ninth and you haven't played for a while and we have to hang on to a win and your arm's feeling okay. Ugh....no.

Jerry Seinfeld

There are few bigger Seinfeld fans than me. If you don't count the legions of fans that attend conventions and name their children Elaine and Kramer. And unlike Jonny Paps, I do recognize the great deal of hard work and dedication Jerry Seinfeld put into creating, producing, writing and starring in this awesome TV show. However, his net worth is still a prime example of how RICH these people actually are. Between stand-up comedy, nine years of churning out a #1 sitcom, and the royalties from another decade of syndicated episodes, the man is worth $800 million. Eight HUNDRED...... MILLION dollars. He owns a garage full of Porsches and mansions out the wazoo. Just to put his wealth in perspective: He was offered $110 million to make one last season of Seinfeld and turned it down. "No, thanks. I'm good."
Julia Roberts

She's just one example of an army of high-earning actors and actresses making their way through Hollywood right now. Yes, she's one of "America's Sweethearts". Yes, she's pretty and good at pretending to be someone different in front of cameras. But let's, again, put all this in perspective. Imagine for a moment that someone filmed you sitting in a chair reciting some lines. Then they went and edited these together to make a six-minute clip. Then they handed you $3 million and sent you on your way. That genuinely happened to Julia Roberts. She was in a chick flick for six minutes of total screen time, which involved a couple of casual conversations to a stranger on an airplane, and was awarded for her "genius" with a $3 million dollar check. Geez, I wish I was paid $500,000 a minute.

David Beckham

I can almost justify this man's net worth based on his looks alone. The man is beautiful, this much we know. However, he's famous for being able to play football  soccer really well. That's excellent. Kudos on your powerful feet. However, I can not get past the idea that you are worth $210 million essentially for your flawless genes, athleticism and ability to look pretty while holding a razor or Burger King's smoothie. Oh, the humanity. 



Jersey Shore cast

If you've been sitting there arguing with me, playing Devil's Advocate and supporting the "hard working" people of the entertainment industry, your time is up. There is officially no more to debate. While the good people of America are struggling through these hard economic times in the attempt to find a respectable way to make use of their collegiate degrees and experience, there is a gang of guidos beatin' up the beat and blowin' up grenades in Seaside Heights. The cast of Jersey Shore got famous for doing nothing but being combative alcoholics with excess hair gel, fake body parts and borderline melanoma. And YET... the majority of these idiots are making $150,000 an episode. WHAT?!

Meanwhile, people are deprived of basic human needs like money, clean water, food, shelter and medicine. That's the worst of it, but even when you consider the imbalance within the same economic class, it's silly. Teachers work really hard every day and get paid $40,000 a year maybe. Snooki trips and falls off the boardwalk and makes a third of that. See what I'm sayin?