X Factor Travesty

I have recently bared witness to a tragedy that, for whatever reason, has yet to grace the front page of any major newspaper. I, for one, am outraged. A transgression this deep should be making national headlines. I've spent the last two weeks reeling from the impact of such profound civil injustice. And to think - the majority of the public played a role in this mess, however small, and how they sleep at night is beyond me.

I am, of course, referring to the season finale of the X Factor.

Let me set the scene for those of you on The Voice bandwagon who are missing out on an even better competition just two channels away. After the mandatory number of weeks, thousands of singing hopefuls - mostly gimmick-y, mediocre fame chasers - got whittled down to just three acts.

I'll describe them to you now with all the obvious bias and favoritism I can muster:

Fifth Harmony - These ladies all came in as solo acts. Then Simon Cowell got a twinkle in his eye, similar to the one that birthed teenaged royalty One Direction, waved his magic wand and boom! A girl group. They were underdogs for the entire competition, mostly due to almost-weekly name changes and the fact that they had just met 10 minutes prior. Over time, the girls known as LYLAS (wow) became 4231 (wtf?) and eventually blossomed into Fifth Harmony. They found their sound and a gaggle of devoted Twitter followers in the final few weeks, which earned them third place.

Conclusion: They've got serious talent and adorable personalities. Definitely a group to watch out for!

Carly Rose Sonenclar - Since I was a kid, I've gone through periods of obsession with different music artists. From Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls to John Mayer and Pentatonix, there's always a fixation. What I'm saying is I should have seen this coming. The minute I saw this girl perform, I was hooked. She's 13, has been on Broadway and if Adele, Beyonce and Celine were having a tea party, Carly would be the guest of honor. She's a prodigy. Her raw talent is incredible and her confidence is ridiculously disproportional to her age. I could go on, but what I'm really doing is trying to justify the number of times I've watched her on YouTube in the last week. The view count is embarrassing but completely warranted by this little diva.

Conclusion: Here's where the travesty comes in. She finished out the competition in second place - I know, choke back the tears - to a cowboy buffoon I'll introduce to you now.

Tate Stevens - I have to get up for work in five hours and his story's not worth the lost sleep, so here are the key points: He's 37. I'm pretty sure he sleeps wearing a ten-gallon hat; I've never seen his hair. He sings country songs as well as any ordinary Texan riding through town, but he's boring as hell. He doesn't have the X Factor nor does he know how to spell it. I skipped most of the performances he gave - thanks, DVR! Yet some unidentified group of U.S. citizens passed over Carly's unprecedented genius and gave this joker enough votes to win. I've thought long and hard for an unreasonable amount of time and can attribute this mass lapse of judgment to two things: 

•  Country lovers are blind. They'll vote for anything with a twang in their voice and a spur on their heel. Essentially these people voted for an overall genre, not a singer.
• People love a good sob story. Tate probably heard Carly casually warming up in the dressing room next door, went into survival mode and called his wife. "Shit! We gotta play up this poor man's angle, honey. Cry harder next week when the camera pans to you." I sound heartless, I know. But this is a competition of singing, not sympathy. The fact that you may not have a job when you return home and you've dreamed of being Garth Brooks since you were a kid is sad, yes but unfortunately irrelevant to anything related to this show.  

Conclusion: In my eyes, it's not even a matter of opinion. Carly is, in every way, a superior and more marketable vocalist than Cowboy McGee. I realize she'll go far anyway, but it should've been an open-and-shut case. Carly for the win.

That being said, I just read in the news that all three acts are getting record deals with Simon. So all of the above is moot. You're welcome!