Letter to My Teenaged Self

Looking back at past versions of myself, I feel like an entirely different person in many ways. I like that we're always evolving. If there's such a difference between high school and early 20's, I can't imagine how different life will be - and I will be - in another decade.

I decided to write my 13-year-old self a note, which I know would be much more warranted if I were older and had lived a longer life and tacked some more experiences onto my belt. Nonetheless these are, I think, priceless lessons to hypothetically pass down.
  
Dear Jill,

You're awkward.

Everyone knows it and, on some level, I think you do too. I respect the choice to deny it for purposes of self-preservation, but life might really improve if you were to allow even a slight glimmer of recognition to peek through. Here are some helpful tips from yours truly. Just consider them.

1) Be confident and outgoing. People, having no other way of determining who you are, have to trust what you're outwardly showing. They will accept however you portray yourself if you sell it well enough. So the only thing getting in your way is you. And I know your social ineptitude is really a bummer at this point, so if you really can't figure out the cool code.... well, fake it til you make it, sister.

      2) Stop sucking your thumb. Really, it’s embarrassing. Speaking from experience, it's coming from a few different places - the sheltered youngest child syndrome, a certain stubbornness stemming from getting what you want, and some degree of oral fixation. (As I idly bite my cuticles...) Biting your nails doesn't look great, but if you hopped on that train a few years earlier, you could save your parents and yourself a few grand in orthodontia bills. Food for thought.

3) Try new things. Step out of your comfort zone! Literally... just one new thing would be great. A sport? A club? A new route home? Something. At the rate you're going, you'll need to compensate with some kickass grades in college and some white lies on your future employment applications..... You're welcome.

4) Shower. Coming from an older version of yourself who still doesn’t love the whole production of showering, trust me - I get it. But you look mangy and oily and unkempt. If you were a cat, someone would have to bathe you against your will in the tub cause   you refuse to lick yourself clean. It's enough already. Oh, and put some chapstick on, girl, cause these crusty-crusts....

5) Stop being awkward and take advantage of your unbridled freedom. There are only so many years left where your biggest problem is which Wawa hoagie you should order. Stop being weird and shy    and actually appreciate what you have. Those big windows of free time will still be preserved through college, though they'll be fewer and farther between... then BOOM. Real world. The time to gallavant around your 2-square-mile town in your pajamas and buy junk food at 7-11 is up. Love it while you got it, kid.

      6) For the love of God, no one wants to date you yet. It's adorable how unjustifiably confident you are in yourself, but the overzealous advances to guys way out of your league have to stop. Learn from your mistakes. If you throw a love note at the hottest boy in school, he will share it with all of his friends and laugh at you. If you ask a hot guy out, then he dodges you for days in school, do not - I repeat, DO NOT - call his house repeatedly hoping he's come to his senses. You've been flagged.

     7) Buy a hair straightener. Use it.