Mario's Having a Party

Over the years, there have been so many video games and systems, it's hard to keep track. From Super Mario and Twisted Metal to Crazy Taxi and Wii Sports... entertainment's always evolving. But if you're lucky, you had one beloved game that followed you through every stage of life, stuck with you through thick and thin. For me, that was Mario Party 2.

After 10+ years of playing this game, my friends and I have it down to a science. Specifically, Horror Land. There are several other possible "lands", but they are excluded every time. It's understood that Horror Land is the only way to go. I've never spent more than five minutes in Western Land and would never give Peach the smug satisfaction of having visitors to her Birthday Cake.

I'm not sure exactly what the appeal of Horror Land is. But after hundreds of rounds played, it's got its own compartment in my brain. I sing the theme songs without knowing it. My thumb hits the "A" button unconsciously. Phrases like "handcar havoc", "platform peril" and "skateboard scamper" give me nightmares.
And you might think "Aw... what a sweet way to spend your childhood." If by childhood, you mean last week, then absolutely.

In freshmen year of college, a group of us took part in the ultimate battle royale called the Superstar Challenge. We would play MP2 every night for almost a month, and I don't think I need to tell you ... it got ugly. People were accused of sneaking tally marks onto the score sheet. Coins were fought over; mini-games were won; Boos were called near. But the ultimate offense was stealing your friend's star. After traveling days across barren graveyards, fighting tooth-and-nail for coins and suffering painful encounters with Bowser, any stars you managed to collect for yourself were as valuable as your first-born. So any attempted robberies by so-called "friends" of yours resulted in serious throwdowns.

During any game, tensions were high. It was not uncommon to find yourself at the edge of your seat and, depending on the mini-game, a fairly serious case of Carpel Tunnel in your right hand. By the third or fourth round, all sense of friendly game-playing was quickly replaced with greedy competition and childish name-calling ("Well, no wonder you won, Wario. Look at that fat ass.") And with stress levels at the tipping point, anthills became mountains pretty quickly. Once, in the middle of someone's turn with only two rounds left, her friend accidentally hit the power cord and froze the game. Time stood still. For about 10 minutes, those involved were no longer friends.

 But apart from bitter arguments like these, Mario Party brought everyone together and - whether you're aware of it or not - taught us some pretty important life lessons:

• Don't steal from your friends. (But it's okay to steal from others. They're just the Computer, after all.)
• Stay true to yourself (and your alter ego. Mine is Yoshi - everyone's favorite green dinosaur.)
• Accept others' differences. (Just because Wario's hideous, Luigi's an idiot and Peach is a selfish bitch... doesn't mean they don't deserve love.)
• Persevere to overcome life's toughest obstacles. (We've all been there - You raise the wrong flag in Shy Guy Says. You can't hang on during Shock, Drop and Roll. You can't quite get to pink fast enough in Hexagon Heat. Just gotta keep your head up and hope you land on the Bank.)
• Trust your instincts. (If you're not careful, Bowser's Big Blast will have you second guessing yourself. Just pick your favorite color and hope for a snort, not an eye roll.)
• Contrary to popular belief, skeleton keys are worthless. (Especially when compared to a golden mushroom or magic lamp.)
• If a giant eyeball asks to chase you, the answer is yes. If you're invited to a hootenanny, that's a firm no.