What Is She Wearing?!

Every decade has had its fair share of ridiculous fads. Granted, I've only been alive for two of them. But all I needed was an old photo of my mom in bedazzled bell-bottoms and I got the gist.

Unfortunately whatever decade we're currently in is no exception. I look around all the time and wonder where these fashion fads came from and how much longer I'll need to endure the sight of them. Here are the current trends I just can't get behind:

Summertime Uggs - When these little furry boots appeared on the fashion scene, I thought "What a nice practical boot for the winter. Makes sense." Then all of a sudden, chicks started wearing them almost exclusively in the summer. Since when have you ever sunbathed poolside on a hot summer day with sheepskin hugging your feet? The sheer ridiculousness of Eskimo boots in July is one thing. Add on the image of Uggs with Daisy Dukes, spaghetti straps, and sunglasses. I can't....


Expensive Ass Purses - I'm biased to begin with cause I dislike toting a purse around. Obviously it's practical and yes, they look good with outfits. Personally, I'd so much rather stuff my keys, phone & a twenty in my jeans pocket and be on my way. But the Second Amendment recognizes the right to bear arms, so I'll acknowledge a woman's right to bear a purse. The issue is the insane price of these bags. Splurging on a $45 bag from Target and using it for a couple years.... totally cool. Buying seventeen $250 bags in one month because they were "calling out to you"..... not so cool. Also, you don't get bonus points for brand names. That Coach clutch doesn't up your social status any more than your Aeropostale tee did in 5th grade.

Orange Spray Tans- I could talk about this one all day. When did Oompa Loompas become sexy? Personally I don't condone artificial tanning at all. If a teenager wants to not look like a polar bear on her prom night... fine. In general though, we'd all be better off if we forwent the skin cancer. The reason Snooki is popular is not because her neon orange skin and hair pouf remind everyone of the understated grace of icons past. It's because no one can look away from a trainwreck. You've gotta be happy in your own skin. Literally.

Clothes That Don't Fit - Ill-fitting clothes are ubiquitous. And the two extremes are happening at the same time: tight vs. super baggy. Appropriately-sized outfits have apparently become the minority. It's either: 1) a middle-aged mom sporting some major plumber's crack and a muffin top in jeans that belong on her prepubescent daughter, or 2) a potato sack top and MC Hammer gaucho pants a la Mary-Kate Olsen. I think we'd all look a little snazzier as a whole if we wore stuff that fit and complemented our bodies. Makes sense.


Tights as Pants - When in public, I shouldn't know the color & style of your underwear. Period. If you're wearing a cute dress and want to throw on some Spandex underneath to complete the look... you do it. But if you're showing up at a sorority party in a belted T-shirt masquerading as a tube dress, with pantyhose to boot, I can see. your. ass. It's just common sense. Leave something to the imagination. Try some skinny jeans, for discretion's sake.

Crocs - "But they're comfortable!" shout the rubber clog's avid supporters. I hear 'ya, and trust me - I'm as big a fan of comfort as the next girl. But I'm relatively sure encasing your feet in TemperPedic pillows would be comfortable too. Ooo... how about little mini bean bags for your feet?! Sometimes we have to pick style over practicality. So unless you're going clamming, you don't need to be wearing Crocs. The one exception here are kids under the age of, say... ten. They're playing hide-and-seek tag at recess and showing off the Crocs that match their adorable overalls. You're meeting friends for dinner and sporting neon Crocs with the business slacks you wore to work. Not the same.